Death, Grief and Mourning

Parasha:  Chayei Sarah – The Lives of Sarah
Torah:  Bereishit 23:1 – 25:18

The Scriptures teach us  many things. Today’s lesson on death, grief and mourning is conveyed to us through three different situations.   

Let’s look at how Avraham dealt with the death of Sarah:

2  And Sarah died in Kirjatharba; the same is Hevron in the land of Canaan: and Avraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her.

The initial shock of the death of a loved one brings on a deep feeling of heaviness  deep in our souls. The hurt is overwhelming sometimes bringing on physical maladies as well as mental and emotional exhaustion.  

This relatively short period of time, usually lasting approximately seven days, is usually spent sitting in a low seat and allowing the grief to flow out of us in various forms. We don’t have many details about how Avraham dealt with the grief but after a period of time we are taught: 

3 And Avraham stood up from before his dead, and spoke to the sons of Heth;

Avraham “stood up”.  So he was either sitting on the ground or on a stool of some kind.

The story of Yov gives us a little more detail:   ”

And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself with; and he sat down among the ashes. (Yov 2:8 )

So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spoke a word to him: for they saw that his grief was very great. (Yov 2:13 )

As time passes on, the heaviness begins to dissipate in varying degrees depending on the individual. The memory may fade as well and a “new normal” is gradually established.

Yeshua had multiple experiences with the death of people close to him.  Here is how Yeshiyahu prophesied about Him about six hundred years before He appeared: 

1  Who has believed our report? and to whom is the arm of Avinu revealed? 2  For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he has no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. 3  He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isa 53:1-3)

Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Yeshua was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house. (Joh 11:20)

The translater chose to use “sat still” based on what we read in Yov and current traditions.

28  And when she had so said, she went her way, and called Mary her sister secretly, saying, The Master is come, and calls for you. 29  As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came to him. (John 11:28-29 )

The Jews then which were with her in the house, and comforted her, when they saw Mary, that she rose up hastily and went out, followed her, saying, She goes to the grave to weep there. (John 11:31 )

When Yeshua therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled. (Joh 11:33 )

The “heaviness” that Yeshua felt within Himself, outwardly manifested itself as it usually does to many of us.

Yeshua wept. (Joh 11:35 )

Grieving and mourning are part of the same process. It may have something to do with the “intensity” of “heaviness” that we experience, The outward manifestation may be less intense as well. 

And her gates shall lament and mourn; and she being desolate shall sit on the ground. (Isa 3:26 )

Now when Yov’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come on him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him. (Yov 2:11 )

To set up on high those that be low; that those which mourn may be exalted to safety. (Yov 5:11 )

But his flesh on him shall have pain, and his soul within him shall mourn. (Yov 14:22 )

To appoint to them that mourn in Zion, to give to them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of Avinu, that he might be glorified. (Isa 61:3 )

Finally, we have a “promise” from the One who was described as being “acquainted with grief”.  I believe that this promise came from deep within His soul:

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. (Mt 5:4 )